Monday, March 08, 2010

Times Can Get Hard

You know I am feeling great and everything health wise is going great. There are just times like today that are hard… hard emotionally. When I think about… really think about what having cancer means it reopens my eyes to what family truly is and I appreciate them even more… I don’t want to die. I want to watch Cole grow up and have children himself. I don’t want to miss what most people in life take for granted. I think I have put the true meaning of cancer so far in the back of my mind that I’m almost living in denial. I do still have my positive attitude… I don’t want anyone to think different… it is just hard to wakeup everyday knowing that you have cancer... I am finding out that there is a fine line between denial and a positive attitude… I just need to find out where that line is.

Kim and I will be celebrating our 9 year anniversary in ten days… this past weekend we had an early celebration. We went out for dinner and my in-laws watched Cole over night so Kim and I were able to spend some quality time together. This was great and uplift to my spirits… it is just hard waking up every day with cancer not knowing what to expect.