On Thursday I met with my new neurosurgeon, Kim and my brother went with me for support – I was very nervous since I had just had the MRI on Monday and my radiation Dr. wanted me to see the neurosurgeon as soon as possible… we were all expecting the worst. What we got was generally good news… as I said I was expecting much worse. There is a small 7 millimeter growth near the original tumor site - it is within the range of the first tumor. It’s in a great spot (as great as one could be with a tumor in their head)… so we have three choices.
Sugary which we will re visit in one month after trying 1 of 2 other options.
A strong one time out patient laser radiation… or a different combo of chemo drugs.
The Drs will chat together and we will be going with their recommendations.
The hard part for me was I felt like I was back at square one. I walked out of the visit very depressed and asking myself how much time do I have left? This is hard… having a Glioblastoma is a very dangerous disease… one that is full of uncertainty. This all came back up during this visit. I’m trying to keep up my good attitude… but I have to tell you it’s getting harder and harder. I know I have to survive. I still have to dance at Cole’s wedding. Please please keep praying for me. This is going to be a long battle… a battle I am going to win with your help. I just feel like I am lying to myself at times. I wake up at times not knowing if this is my last day… I know it’s not going to be my last day but I just can’t help but think that way. Do I have 40 seconds left or 40 years? I just don’t know. The survival rate of a Glioblastoma is not that good… there are ones who have beat it, and I need to be one of those… I have to be one of those… but again it’s getting harder and harder to think that way – but I know I have to.
I’m sorry to be so negative but that is just part of my battle – I am going to have good days and bad days. What I need from you is the positive thoughts and prayers… and you know what really helps is the messages you leave on my facebook and the blog keep them coming they help me keep my positive thoughts. I love you all.
Keep that positive attitude, Mike! We all know it may be one the most difficult things you face, but we're all here for you; we are praying and stirring up the most positive energy in the Universe for you. Try not to lose focus on what you have to do, and take one day at a time. :)
ReplyDeleteMichael,
ReplyDeletethis is all part of what we call the battle. I can't imagine how scary it is and how hard it must be to stay positive.
You have everyone's prayers always.
The people who do beat this are the people who stay positive and there is no one who does that better than you.
Keep thinking positive thoughts and actually visualize those thoughts sitting in your brain and pestering the hell out of that growth.
You are never alone - we are all in this with you.
Love, your cousin mis
I am delighted with your attitude and optimism. My husband Jeff was diagnosed on Aug 8, 2008. Has been operated on and had the chemo/radiation protocol, took time off and wnet back on the chemo(temador) for five out of 28 days along with AVASTIN infusions every two weeks. It is a bitch anticipating going back to the neuro oncologist but another visit is scheduled at the end of DEC. Last one was three months ago. Hope he says six months this time.
ReplyDeleteI was the chauffer too after having had one seizure. Boy how time flies.
My sister in law knows your father. That is the connection. If you want to talk do email at bubtiff@aol.com
Ann Lois
forgot to include the NY TIMES Tuesday Science section........a must read
ReplyDelete