Saint Augustine

Kim, Cole and I just got back from saint Augustine we had a blast. It was nice to get away for a few days. This was our first trip since I was diagnosed with brain cancer. This was a great way to get away and end the year on a high not. This was the worst year of my life.

We stayed at a Bed and Breakfast and were there for three days. Like I have said before this is what life is all about… spending time with family, and time with Kim and Cole is the best.

We did so much we walked around the old town, went to the fort and watched them fire off a cannon, went to the oldest school… climbed 219 steps up and 219 steps down in the saint Augustine lighthouse. Took train rides around to learn about the town’s history… took a horse and buggy ride around town in the freezing weather. Saw the holiday lights. Just spent time together as a family that was the best part.

Our Bed and Breakfast is haunted and Kim actually saw the Ghost. It was just awsome!!!

To see pictures of our trip click here

http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=1b949d9ce7d29e9c&sid=9BZtmLFs3ZCg

two steps forward and three steps back

New video blog http://www.youtube.com/user/editczar#p/a/u/0/DZT4dh4Fwr4

As many of you know I had a seizure on Thanksgiving… well it happened again this past Tuesday. I had a small seizure on Tuesday. This one was not as bad as the ones I have had in the past… it all started on Sunday when I felt something coming on… we were on the way to my in-laws’ to celebrate Chanukah when I started feeling weird I took some medicine and slept it off, once I woke up I was feeling perfect and we went on with our day… then on Tuesday It started again and that is when the seizure happened… Jen my sister in law who is a doctor came over a sat through it with Kim and me. It just feels like as soon as I am on track I take two steps forward and three steps back. Even though this sucks it may not seem as bad as it seems… the chemo I started last week may be shrinking the tumor and that could be what caused the seizure and the splitting headache that came with it so this could all be good news… who knows? I am focusing on the positive and thinking that the tumor is shrinking. I need to stay positive and will stay positive no matter what happens… having a good attitude is half the battle that will keep me healthy. On another note we are joining that brain tumor support group I mentioned before last week I spoke to a man who has lived 13 years so far with his tumor more ways to give me hope as soon as I can schedule it we are going to meet and I will be able to learn from his journey. Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers I love you all and feel free to share this blog with others.

Chanukah

With tonight being the first night of Chanukah I have a chance to realize how lucky I still am. Even though I am fighting what seems to be an endless battle, it’s a fight I am still winning. I cannot wait to see Cole’s face tonight when he opens his first round of gifts… this is what life is all about watching my son grow up… it’s not about caner or any other bull shit it’s about family.

As far as me I’m doing good still a little tired but doing well. I seem to be tolerating the new chemo very well. Even though I still wake up and cannot believe I have cancer and this will b a long battle I still keep my positive attitude.

Everyone have a great Chanukah and ill update soon.

Fighting the Fight

I’m back and feeling good. I had a port put in on Monday since it was getting so hard for the nurses to find a vein. It hurt and still hurts but will get better. But other than that I am feeling good. I did try to work a little last week and it went awesome until the end of the day when I got a little sick in the back of one of my partners car’s... I think I was just pushing myself to much too soon Today I feel better than I have felt since Thanksgiving.

Yesterday I started a new type of chemo… this one is IV and I do it every few weeks along with my pills.

This is still an uphill battle but it is one we are going to win… with the thought and prayers I get daily I can only win. Please keep them coming and I will continue to fight the fight.

thanksgiving

This past Thursday I learned just what thanksgiving is all about – I had a seizer and my family was there at my side the entire time… my parents… my brother, all of my in-laws – and of course my wife Kim- I am truly thankful for all their love and support.

As far as me I am doing great recovering and am on the road to recovery. I should be starting IV chemo sometime in the next few days.

Who Said No news is Good News?

On Thursday I met with my new neurosurgeon, Kim and my brother went with me for support – I was very nervous since I had just had the MRI on Monday and my radiation Dr. wanted me to see the neurosurgeon as soon as possible… we were all expecting the worst. What we got was generally good news… as I said I was expecting much worse. There is a small 7 millimeter growth near the original tumor site - it is within the range of the first tumor. It’s in a great spot (as great as one could be with a tumor in their head)… so we have three choices.

Sugary which we will re visit in one month after trying 1 of 2 other options.

A strong one time out patient laser radiation… or a different combo of chemo drugs.

The Drs will chat together and we will be going with their recommendations.

The hard part for me was I felt like I was back at square one. I walked out of the visit very depressed and asking myself how much time do I have left? This is hard… having a Glioblastoma is a very dangerous disease… one that is full of uncertainty. This all came back up during this visit. I’m trying to keep up my good attitude… but I have to tell you it’s getting harder and harder. I know I have to survive. I still have to dance at Cole’s wedding. Please please keep praying for me. This is going to be a long battle… a battle I am going to win with your help. I just feel like I am lying to myself at times. I wake up at times not knowing if this is my last day… I know it’s not going to be my last day but I just can’t help but think that way. Do I have 40 seconds left or 40 years? I just don’t know. The survival rate of a Glioblastoma is not that good… there are ones who have beat it, and I need to be one of those… I have to be one of those… but again it’s getting harder and harder to think that way – but I know I have to.

I’m sorry to be so negative but that is just part of my battle – I am going to have good days and bad days. What I need from you is the positive thoughts and prayers… and you know what really helps is the messages you leave on my facebook and the blog keep them coming they help me keep my positive thoughts. I love you all.

Pain in the Hand

Life is still good – and I’m feeling great! Yesterday I had an MRI to see if there is any re-growth of the tumor. The MRI went great except that when the tech had to inject the contrast we ran into a problem. My veins are hard to find because of the radiation and chemo… she tried about 10-12 times to get a usable vein but couldn’t and let me tell you it hurt… being poked that many times does hurt. What we ended up doing is going to the main hospital to see if they could do it – well after only three tries she found a vein… rite in my knuckle and again it hurt like hell but worth it. I have a feeling I am going to end up with a port… now I understand why so many cancer patients have one.

Preliminary report looks good - a little swelling but good… I meet with the neurosurgeon on Thursday to find out more but I think and feel that there will be no re-growth if so very little and the chemo will take care of that. So wish me luck and keep on praying for me… it looks like its working. I will update you all on Thursday or Friday with what I find out.

Good News

Yesterday I had appointments with two of my doctors. I saw my chemo doctor and my neurologist... both of them said I am doing great and am better than most patients at this point. The chemo Dr. is going to set me up for round two of chemo and that is when the pills double… but it’s not every day – if I remember correctly it will be five days of pills then a few weeks off then five days of pills… etc. This could go on for at least six months but most likely a year or longer. He has some patients who have been on chemo for several years. Frankly I don’t care how long I am on chemo so long as I am healthy and the tumor does not grow back. Speaking of growing back I should be getting a new MRI in the next few weeks sooner than I thought. That will be the big test… we will find out everything then… if there is any regrowth... if so how big is it…? Do we need to go back in? I’m keeping positive and believe that I will have no regrowth. But still keep me in your thought and keep praying for me.

Helping out

A friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend has a 5 yr old son Noah. He is in the last stages of a 2 1/2 yr battle with Neuroblastoma Cancer. The family is celebrating Christmas next week and Noah's request is lots of Christmas cards. Let’s get him some. Please send cards to: Noah Biorkman 1141 Fountain View circle South, Lyon MI 48178 and let’s see how many cards we can’t get this little guy... please pass this on...th, Lyon,Mi 48178 and let's see how many cards we can get to this little guy. Please pass this on...

On The Radio

I just got reenergized. I am going to go to a brain tumor support group next week that I think will be very helpful. The woman I spoke with is a 20 year survivor… that’s very encouraging. I felt a boost of energy after speaking with her. This will be great talking to people who have been and are going through the same thing I am.

Other than that nothing new other than I was on the radio this past weekend talking about health care reform. How did that happen? Well I’m glad you asked. I took the family and some friends to one of my new favorite restaurants – Linda Beans Perfect Lobster Rolls. It was my third time there in less than two weeks and there was a radio station doing a live remote promoting the place. So I went on the air to say how great the place was. Not two minutes into the interview the DJ changes direction and goes from how great the lobster rolls are to Health Care reform. I was caught off guard but I think I gave a good answer. I said something has to be done but I don’t think Obama’s plan is perfect and anything run by the government will be run slowly and it will take time for patients to get approval for new medications.

And Please remember to watch my newest video blog - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2tT6s83IBo

Another Week II

This week has been good – I did a lot of sleeping. I’m still tired… the radiation takes time to get out of your system. But other than being exhausted I feel great… the best I have felt since this whole nightmare started. I don’t have a whole lot to share with you today since most of my week was spent sleeping. However I do have one good thing. I went to get my blood work done on Tuesday and the doctor said that my numbers are so good and I am doing so good that I don’t have to get blood taken every week any more… so that is great news.

Another Week

This has been a good week as I said on Monday I am finished with radiation and am off chemo for a month. So for the next month I free from all that is cancer. As of Friday I have gone two months without a seizure and that is just awesome. Four more months of being seizure free and I can drive again… I can’t wait for that. I just have to get a new car at some point before that (any suggestions?) Seriously all is good I am still tired but I feel great. I did a new video blog click this link to check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2tT6s83IBo I don’t have much more to say today so I/m going to keep this one short. Thanks again for all the support and prayers you all are the best.

A Day to Celebrate

Yesterday was a day to celebrate – it was my last day of radiation. It was a good day!!! It was fun too! When I finished the last session the nurses had a bubble machine going for me, were blowing whistles and gave me hugs and they gave a special certificate of completion… it was very nice and I can’t say enough about how great everyone at Lynn Cancer Institute is. After the radiation was finished I had a celebratory lunch with my brother and father – it was a good time. When Kim got home with Cole I had some special daddy time with Cole and we went for a bike ride… There is nothing better than spending time with Cole. Then after the bike ride we came home to a great smelling house… Kim had made me a special dinner, so the three of us had a congratulatory dinner and I could not have had a better day. Thanks you to everyone. This is now one hurdle down. I still have a combat to fight but with the continued love and support I continue to receive I will win this battle and can’t thank you all for the love, support and prayers. I love you all.

Now for the next month I am off no radiation and no chemo. Wow what will I do? I still can’t drive and that does suck… so getting around will be hard. I still have people offering to drive me wherever I need to go but you know what it is hard to ask… I don’t know why it is so hard to ask but it just is.

In one month the really hard part starts my chemo doubles. It is still the chemo pill but it may make me sick I don’t know. I hope I handle it well and can get back to doing some work but time will tell. Recently I have been feeling a little sick from the pills so I’m guessing that doubling the dose will make me a little sicker. If I am sick and stuck in bed I will need some of you to recommend some good movies to rent.

Other than all that things are still great and I still think life is good.

Deep Thoughts by Michael

I was thinking the other day… what is there to do? Where is there to go that I either haven’t done before or haven’t been to? I could think of much. I feel most cancer patients go through this thought process… let’s face it we are forced to confront our own mortality… and that is not a bad thing. It let me prioritize my priorities. As is have said before and I’ll say again family is the most important thing in the world. Without them you got nothing.

Yes there are places I would like to go to that I haven’t been to before things I haven’t done… I have yet to go deep see diving. I would like to do these things and go to these places before cancer takes over… if it ever does takes over. I would like to go to the Grand Canyon, see the country. Go to Paris, Israel, Europe… I would like to travel the world. But if I never did any of these things for whatever reasons I would still be happy as long as I had my family. Family is everything.

First off I consider myself very lucky I have been able to experience a lot of really cool things being in the business I am in. Let’s see I have met Presidents, The Governor, countless celebrities, flown in black hawks, stood in the eye of hurricanes as they made land fall, flown in stunt planes, shot video in the middle of a riot, sky dived, bungee jumped, met the rich, met the poor climbed water falls in Cost Rica I have been able to do and see a lot… life has been very exciting – so if I don’t ever do anything other than spend time with family then I am doing not just doing remarkable and great but I will be awesome. Life isn’t about where you have been or what you have done, who has the most money or toys… it is about family – family family family.

Funny Story

Well I have a funny story to tell… I at least think it’s funny. Yesterday while walking the dog I ran into a neighbor that I hadn’t seen in months – she tells me not knowing what I am going through “you look good. I like the short hair look on you.” Me being the funny person I can be and having a good attitude about what I’m going through tells her “that’s what chemo and radiation will do to you.” – You should have seen her face… her jaw dropped to the ground. The look on her face was horror and total shock… she starts telling me she is so sorry and didn’t mean anything about it. I tell her it’s okay and that I have to have a scence of humor to get through this. I still think she felt bad after. But what could I do?

On another note things are still going great – I met with my radiation Dr. this morning and he told me I am still doing great. The fun thing about radiation is each day I wait with the same people, we are kind of becoming friends – there is an unspoken bond between all of us we are all going through the same thing.

Another funny thing is since I have gotten sick I don’t like potatoes… not baked, not french fries, not potatoes chips – I only like them if they are in a soup. And I have had a craving for donuts… I want donuts 24/7 (you would think I was Homer Simpson). I also have a craving for a Taco Bell taco… You would think I was pregnant.

Nothing New

Not much to write about today – I am feeling great and things are going good for me. Including today I have five more zaps of radiation and Monday will be me last zap. My father is taking me so we plan on meeting my brother for lunch and celebrating that. But don’t think things will get easy for me after that. A few weeks after radiation is done my chemo pills double so I have no idea how that will make me feel So far with the chemo I am feeling fine a little nauseous but nothing I can’t handle so far. But I may get sicker form the new larger dose of chemo pills… I’ll just have to keep my fingers crossed that I don’t get sick from them… I would like to get some work done – and not having to go to radiation allows me to get more work done.

Like I said not much to report today – thanks again for all the love and support

Camera/Cancer

Kim and I were recently talking and wondering if there was any correlation between my professional video camera and my brain tumor/cancer. The camera sits just next to where my tumor is… when it is on my shoulder it is rite where the tumor is. Has anyone heard of any other photojournalists having a brain tumor/cancer? It’s too much of a coincidence that the brain tumor/cancer is where the cameras sits. Please let me know if you have heard of this happening to any other fellow photojournalists.

As far as me I am feeling great doing good and after a recent visit to my doctors my outlook is even better. My EEG came back great! The doctor said there was no sign of seizures and that I am doing better than average. They all seem to be surprised at how well I am doing. When your doctor is surprised at how well you’re doing you know you’re doing remarkably good. I have eight sessions of radiation left then I stay on chemo for a few weeks then I am of both radiation and chemo for a few weeks before I my chemo doubles and radiation is gone forever. When the chemo doubles its only five days a month and it is still the pills so I hope I handle it well. I still can’t drive for another five months so I will need to figure out what to do with my time. I will try to work for myself and help my partners with thelaw.tv. As long as I can get a ride to wherever I need I think I’ll be okay.

Cancer Should be A Four Letter Word

The definition of cancer is – a malignant tumor of potentially unlimited growth that expands locally by invasion and systemically by metastasis.

That is what I have cancer – wow I still can’t believe I have it. Not just cancer but brain cancer. I was living my life as normal as could be and then one day I wake up have a seizure and find out latter I have brain cancer. It is still hard to believe. What is more shocking is how prevalent cancer is. I can’t escape it. If it’s not a friend it’s a friend of a friend everyone knows somebody with cancer. Cancer is everywhere! It’s on the news it’s on my favorite TV shows it’s everywhere. Izzy on Gray’s Anatomy has brain cancer. (Although I think their portrayal of it is not realistic). Cancer is everywhere. We just can’t escape it.

I just watched GMA and saw a story about a ten year old girl who has breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy… ten years old and she has breast cancer! WHAT’ THE HELL IS GOING ON?! This is should not happen! But this young girl was and is strong… someone else for me to draw strength and inspiration from. If this young lady can go through something that most adults find impossible I can get through it too… I know I can get through and survive my brain cancer. This is what I do I find people and ways to draw my strength from. It is hard to wake up and live a normal life… if and when I am found to be cancer free I think life will be difficult to live. It’s the uncertainty that cancer is. When I am cancer free I will still wake up each day not knowing if that’s the day it could come back. How do you live life that way? I’ll just have to find out.

Cancer will be a part of my family’s life forever. I know it’s hard for Kim to watch me go through this… she may not have cancer herself but she is living with it as much as I am… in fact I think it’s harder at times for her and the rest of the family than it is for me.. if something does happen to me they are the ones left behind… they are the ones left to pick up the pieces. Cancer is a six letter word but it should really be a four letter word. Cancer… if it happened to me it can happen to you. Each day is a gift… don’t sweet the small stuff… enjoy life.

More Questions Answered

I was recently asked “Did you know, deep down, that you were seriously sick before the doctor told you? I think the human body knows more about itself than any physician or medical test. I ask this because I knew 100% that I was pregnant before any pee or blood test proved it true. Conversely, I think positive thought (which you have a million times over!!!!) can be just as healing as modern medicine (radiation, chemo).”

I had no idea I was sick – I felt normal as could be… the doctors were even surprised that I had no signs. They thought that I would have at least had a few headaches from the tumor pushing on my brain. The first sign was when I had my first seizure… this day started of normal. Cole was off from school so we had what I like to call a daddy day. I took him to Chuck E Cheese and we had a great time. After Chuck E Cheese we went home and played until Kim got home. Kim came home and the three of us went out to dinner. After dinner both Kim and I felt sick… we thought we had food poisoning… this is when my fist seizure happened. Kim found me shacking and unresponsive in the bathroom.

I do agree that positive thought is the key to recovery… that is why I do the blog – not just to educate people but for me to get whatever is going on in my head out. Positive thought is what will let me dance at Cole’s wedding.

On a different note – I think the Chemo pills are starting to take its toll on me… I’m starting to get a little sick a little nauseous. The anti-nauseous pills seem to keep it under control.

Differences Between Levels and Stages

I was recently asked the question… “In your blog you made the distinction between level 4 and stage 4. What's the difference?”

Stages of Cancer

Ø Stage 1cancers is localized to one part of the body.

Ø Stage 2 cancers are locally advanced.

Ø Stage 3 cancers are also locally advanced. Whether a cancer is designated as Stage 2 or Stage 3 can depend on the specific type of cancer; for example, in Hodgkin's Disease, Stage 2 indicates affected lymph nodes on only one side of the diaphragm, whereas Stage 3 indicates affected lymph nodes above and below the diaphragm. The specific criteria for Stages 2 and 3 therefore differ according to diagnosis

Ø Stage 4 cancers have metastasized, or spread to other organs or throughout the body. Like breast cancer moving from the breast to the lungs or even the brain.

Levels of Brain Cancer

There are many different types of malignant or cancerous brain tumors. In most cases, a brain tumor is named for the cell type of origin. The most common type of primary brain tumors are the gliomas. Gliomas arise from the glial cells which are supportive cells that surround, nourish and protect neurons. One type of glioma is an astrocytoma. Astrocytomas are graded 1 through four, depending on the degree of aggressiveness. The most aggressive astrocytoma is grade four (this is what I have), is also called a glioblastoma (GBM). Of all brain tumors, a GBM has the greatest potential for rapid growth. The good thing about brain cancer is that it does not metastasize to other parts of the body and con not become a stage four cancer.

Just Hanging out with Friends

Had a great weekend – met some friends from Naples at Sawgrass for the day and was able to just hang out and shop with them without talking about cancer. It’s nice to know that there is more to life than just cancer. Kim’s day was made by getting a new purse. Once the day was over I was exhausted. I’m still not 100% of my old self… but I’m getting close… so I just took a nap when I got home. Other than that not much going on so today’s blog is going to be short. Keep those questions coming and thanks again for all your love and support.

Your Questions Answered

I want to take today to answer your questions… I have received a lot of good questions so here they are… (Look to the right for the video blog of me answering your qiestions I have a black shirt on)

Do friends or acquaintances treat you differently when they find out?
No… As crazy as it sounds so far I have been lucky everyone has treated me the same. They feel bad for me and tell me what ever I need they will be there for me, but for the most part I am treated the same.



Have you had surgery to remove the tumor?? And if so, did they get most of it and does the chemo and radiation is to make sure the rest of its gone?
Yes… on August 3rd I had surgery to remove the tumor… and they did get most of it. There are always microscopic pieces left behind. A joke I heard from another cancer patient … the surgeon found that missing golf ball. And yes the chemo and radiation do try to get what is left behind… after the surgery a small piece of the tumor did regrow to about 1cm and the treatments should take care of that… I’ll find out a few weeks after I finish the radiation when I have a follow up MRI.


When you do radiation, does it hurt or burn?
NO… it does not burn or hurt I feel nothing and it only takes about five minutes to do. But the area getting zapped does get sensitive after a while… but as I am getting zapped I feel nothing.

When you are hit with the radiation, is it one quick burst or is it a constant stream of radiation for a few seconds or minutes, etc?
It’s a quick five minute session and they do it 30 times over five weeks… Monday – Friday with weekends off.

Thanks for the questions and keep them coming… I enjoy answering them. This is a new experience for me and I want to share it as much as possible. I want you to learn from my experience as I learn from it too. As I have said before I got this for a reason maybe teaching is one of them? Who knows?

The Day the Earth Stood Still

For most of us there are days that stand out in our minds, days that we can tell you where we were, what we were doing, who we were with. for most of us one of those days is September 11, 2001. For me I can tell you I was working in Naples Florida for WINK news in the Naples bureau and for some reason on this day I was working out of the station in Fort Myers. The first plane hit the building as I walked in the door. We didn’t think too much about it – but were paying close attention to what was going on in New York. I hung around the newsroom watching the Today Show cover the goings on in the city… and all of a sudden the second plane came into frame and hit the second building… now we knew something was going on. The news Director sent me and a reporter (Waddy) to the Federal Building in down town Fort Myers. After we arrived Waddy set up the live truck and I started interviewing people… we got a lot of video… none of which ever made it on the air because the only thing viewers wanted to see was the national coverage of the attacks. This day the earth stood still.

I mention 9-11 because it is one of those days that stands out in everyone’s heads. Another day for me is the day I found out I had cancer… my brother went to Miami with me, as I have said before we though the report was going to be good so Kim stayed to work. and we found out just the opposite the pathology report was not good Dr. Marcos told us the news that I had a glioblastoma level four (not stage four) and we had a battle a head of us… the three of us broke into tears and Kim felt even worse not being with us. I can remember everything about that room the smells… where I was sitting… where the doctor was sitting and where Craig was. This was the worst day of my life – this is one of those days that the earth stood still… and it has been standing still ever since.

On a different note Wednesday I had an EEG (electroencephalograph) it went well... as far as I know. I meet with the doctor in a few weeks to go over it.

But again I am feeling good and other than having brain cancer, I don’t have much to complain

Day to Day

Today is another day and not much is new with me other than yesterday I took video of my radiation and plan on posting it on as soon as I can I have include a still from the session so you can get an idea as the what it looks like. I do plan on putting together a piece on what I go through on a daily basses from waking up Cole in the morning to taking my pills to the mundane all the way through to me going to bed. It will be a day in the life of Michael Levine.

Again if you have any questions about my daily routine or any thing please feel free to ask as you know I am an open book and want to le you all know what I am going through

Only In My Dreams

You know as real as my battle has become as much of my life it has taken over I still think I am going to wake up one morning and this will all be as dream… I guess more of a nightmare but it still does not seem real. I suppose it is naive of me to think it is possible to wake up one morning and this will all be gone… but that’s what goes through my mind all the time that this is nothing more than a horrendous nightmare. How nice would that be to wake up in the morning and just have the problems I had before… the problems that I once thought were the end of the world… the problems that now seem so trivial? As I have said before having cancer puts your life into perspective what you once thought was a gigantic problem now seems insignificant.

Last night was Yom Kuppur and I was able to spend it with a majority of my family… what a good time I had… a simple evening with the family. I can’t say it enough you just don’t realize how much family means until you really need them… and I need them now. They are all by my side whenever I need them. If one good thing has come out of this it is the family has gotten closer… we have all bonded over this and gotten to know one and other even better than before. Family that’s what life is all about FAMILY.

Feeling much better now I am ready for the battle of my life, everyone’s outpouring of support, love, and prayers has been nothing more than heartwarming and please continue to keep me my family and others fighting cancer in your thoughts and prayers.

Things Are Good

Thursday was a fun day – I got to stop by WPBF Channel 25 - one of my old clients. It was fun seeing everyone and catching up with old friends. One of their anchor is a survivor of breast cancer and is a true inspiration to me and we swapped stories and we plan on getting together so I can pick her brain (no pun intended) she has a lot to teach me.

My cousin Melissa was my chauffeur for the day it is always a blast hanging out with her for the day. And after WPBF we stopped by my mothers work to see her so the day was full of seeing family and friends… what more can I ask for?

This morning I met with my radiation doctor and he told me things are going great… I am 14 zaps down with 16 to go. He also told me I look great and am doing awesome.

I am going to be adding more video to the blog so please keep an eye out for that. Monday I will be shooting video of my radiation and other daily activates I go through as I fight the fight.

Unspoken Bond

Yesterday I visited my Chemo Doctor’s office for some blood work. While getting my blood drawn (they only pricked my finger) there were three other patients getting blood work done too. The weird thing was as soon as I walked into that room I felt an instant bond with these other patients we are all going through the same thing… different forms of cancer but we were all battling cancer in some way or other. I was the newest to the battle field most of these people were long time veterans on the battle field… as you know it’s only been three months so far for me. Some of these people have been battling the big “C” for years… and that gives me hope.

I drew more inspiration from these patients… they understand what I am going through… they have been there… they can give me advice. I was the youngest one in the group – all the other patients were seniors they were mostly in their 60’s-80’s… even more reason to be inspired by them… they have been fighting the fight for years.. I am looking forward to my next visit so I can draw more inspiration and wisdom from these amazing people.

As some of you may or may not know I have been thinking about getting a tattoo to symbolize my battle… but I have been struggling with just what to get. Well I figured it out. I have been saying from day one that I have to dance at Cole’s wedding… that is my goal. That is what I am going to get inked on my arm… a situate of Kim and I dancing together with a shadow of Cole in the background. This will remind me daily of my goal and it will help me continue to fight my fight. The only problem I am running into is there is an old Jewish wives-tale that says you can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery if you have a tattoo – I need to meet with a Rabbi and find out how true this really is.

Hair Today Gone Tomorrow

Well I think it started… I think I am beginning to lose my hair – I woke up this morning with black hair all over my white pillow. I knew this may happen but since I have been feeling so good and still feel great I thought that maybe… just maybe my hair would stay – but it looks like the hair maybe on the way out. I guess I’ll be saving on shampoo? Either way no big deal I like to shave my head anyways… I look good bald.

I had several questions sent to me yesterday I would like to answer some of them.

1. Have you found any songs that have inspired you or given you strength?
Yes – From VanHallen’s Jump “You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real”

And also from VanHallen “Catch that magic moment, do it...Right here and now...It means everything”

Ain't no passing craze It means no worries for the rest of your days It's our problem-free philosophy. And from Disney’s The Lion King “Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase Hakuna Matata!

Along with many many other songs and artists… not a day goes by that I don’t hear something that inspires me.

3. As a professional videographer, are you making a video diary/documentary of your experiences?
Yes – if you look to the right of the blog there are two videos already posted and I am working on more. I will be asking my doctors if I could shoot some of my treatments. I am really hoping to shoot my radiation.



4. Do you (or your wife) Google/read online/articles about your diagnosis? Or do you try to avoid that?
We have done a lot of research but we are carful as to what we read some of it may not be true and we have to take it all with a grain of salt… we go over everything with our doctors to get there opinion. I don’t really avoid much. Kim does avoid more than me but she still reads more than I do.


5. Has this experience changed your religious beliefs at all? I have to admit some of the "bad" things in my life have left me rather agnostic at best.
Yes it has… I’m not more religious persay… I am more faithful... faithful in humanity. Having people pray for you around the world – having strangers pray for you just gave me faith in humanity. I have faith that I will beat this and dance at Cole’s wedding.

You’re Questions

I wanted to take today to ask you my friends and supporters if you have any questions about my diagnoses or cancer in general… what do you want to know? Feel free to ask anything you want. As you know I am an open book. Email me at mlevine40@gmail.com with your questions.

Life’s Impact

I never realized the impact I have made on other peoples life’s until recently. Yesterday September 20th was my 39th birthday. The amount of birthday wishes I received was incredible… people I haven’t seen in twenty-five years came out to wish me a happy birthday… mostly through facebook.

Facebook has been an awesome outlet for me during my battle. I have been able to reconnect with old friends and even people I barely knew through facebook. Some of them told me to keep fighting and even though we may have only met once I made an impact on their lives.

You have to understand through most of my life I have had a very low self-esteem… it still at times comes out. I didn’t have many friends through school... I wasn’t the cool kid... I wasn’t the smart one... I wasn’t the athlete… I was the outsider – or at least thought I was. I just didn’t fit in anywhere. Not many people talked to me… But they knew me… who knew? All that time I thought I was on the outside I was making an impact on others lives.

I don’t think any of us realizes that each person we meet we leave some type of impression on them… whether we meet them for one minute or we end up being lifelong friends, we all leave some sort of impression. – Good or bad. Some of the people I have heard from lately I barely recalled – but once I thought about it I remembered them and remembered that they did leave some sort of impression on me.

Being diagnosed with cancer definitely forces you and the people around you to revaluate what matters. Everyone around me has revaluated their lives and has been able to put their families first. The old Saying: you don’t know what you got till it’s gone” is so true. I now don’t take anything for granted. I enjoy every second of my life… whether you are sick or healthy you never know when your time is over. As I said before you could always open your door and get hit by a bus. People please each time you go somewhere tell your family you love them… even if you’re fighting say “I love you”. If something does happen let those be the last word you said…Never go to bed or leave the house fighting.

My brother who I have always been close to growing up… I am now even closer with. We tell each other” I love you” every time we see one and other… we even give each other a kiss on the cheek… This is what life is about… family, and that is how I spent my birthday with family. My brother came over with his kids; some very close friends were over with their kids. I spent the holiday with my parents and had a dinner with my in-laws. This is what life is about… family. I could not have had a better birthday – spending it with family was perfect… it was a birthday weekend spent with close friends and family. I do want to thank the Goren’s for the awesome crystal neck less… I know it will help be fight of f the big”C”.

The strength to fight

I have been asked many times over “where do you get the strength from to fight and keep the positive attitude you have?” Well I draw it from you… each and every one of you who has prayed for me… given me positive thoughts and advice… has told me I can do it. I get it all from you.

This morning I woke up to find a TV News forum I visit frequently (http://www.b-roll.net/) has done an article on me http://www.b-roll.net/today/2009/09/photog-documents-battle-with-cancer/ and my posting about my battle has received many replies. Fellow news photogs coming to my side to let me know they are thinking and praying for me. Many of these people I have never meet in person… many of these people I have debated with over styles of shooting and lighting… but when it comes to something like cancer they all have come to my side to support me… how can I not draw strength from that.

This weekend is a very special weekend for me not only is it Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) L'Shana Tovav- it is my 39th birthday on Sunday… and since 39 isn’t in actuality a big birthday… and 40 is - this next birthday I plan on celebrating my 40th in a big way. At that point I will have beaten cancer or at least be close to beating it. I will be on the road to recovery. I want to celebrate in style. I want as many people there as possible who have loved and supported me through my battle. I also want a cake from Chef Duff… you know the guy who makes those amazing cakes on the Food Network – his show is called Ace of Cakes… so if anyone can hook me up with him let me know.

Seriously I know this next year will be a challenging one... a year with up and downs – but one year from know we will be celibrating my clean bill of health and my 40th birthday.. How awesome will that be?

Thanks again to everyone,

I love you all – and I will be posting a new video soon so look for that

I Have To Stick Around

First off again I have to thank everyone for the prayers I have and am receiving… I can’t explain just how overwhelming and encouraging that is… I love you all.

And sorry for the spelling… I am the world’s worst speller.

The most difficult part of my battle is not death… I’m not afraid of dying. I am afraid of leaving my family alone and not being there for them. I can’t imagine not being able to watch Cole grow up. Like I have said before I have to dance at his wedding… and I know I will. But I also have to be realistic and being diagnosed with brain cancer forces you to face your own mortality. If it’s not cancer it could be that famous bus we all have heard about… I could get hit by a bus at anytime.

I haven’t broken into tears much lately… but thinking about Cole growing up without me puts me into tears each time. I’m tearing up now. My biggest fear is will he remember me? His not even four years old… I don’t remember much from that age myself.

It does force me to cherish each and every second I have with him now. This morning I woke him up for school and I just wanted and did hold and hug him and let him know that I loved him. What’s really hard is discipline… I don’t want something to happen to me and his last memory of me is me punishing him.

Like I said I was forced to face my own mortality and all the things we would miss together. This is the scariest part of my battle. Once more I have to watch Cole grow up and be there for Kim.

It also makes me ask myself what is death? What happens to us when we die? Will I be able to look down and watch Kim and Cole? I know each religion has its own belief and I’m not even sure what Judaism teaches us to believe… But either way I hope we can look down and watch our loved ones go on without us. If I do leave before my time it’s nice to think that I’ll still be able to watch Cole grow up.

Crazy in the Hospital

During my last trip to the hospital at the end of August things got a little crazy… literally. I was given a large dose of steroids… a much larger dose than I normally get… several times what I typically get. The steroids help reduce swelling - mostly on the brain so I needed them after the last seizer. The only problem is I reacted to the large dose of steroids with a steroid induced psychosis… I went a little crazy.

Here is what I remember from that time. I thought the room was going to explode and was rapidly expanding... basically stretching… I could see people’s faces literally increasing, widening and growing in front of me. It was scary.

I also thought I was going to die… I thought I was about to leave this earth. As I recall my cousin Mellissa was in the room with me and I kept telling her to make sure she tells Cole I love him and was sorry that I was not going to be here for him.

I also recall telling Mellissa that I was about to join Poppop (my late grandfather). I really thought I was about to die.

There is a lot I don’t remember and I don’t want to know. I have asked my family not to tell me what I don’t recall… there are cretin things we just don’t need to know. What I do know is… I came home with sever scratches on my arm and chest. I have no idea how they got there and again I don’t want to know.

Once home I was having some weird vision changes. I was having what I call mirror vision not double vision but mirror vision. It’s hard to explain but the room would be split in half and would seem as if one side was mirrored on the other. This mostly happened when I got stressed while meeting with doctors.

The second vision change that happened and some people may think this is cool was the room would look like a cartoon. Everything looked cartoonish… it was freaky. This happened when I was watching cartoons on TV with my son Cole. Then sometimes again while watching TV the television would go black and white or a certain image would seem as if it froze on screen.

I think this was remnants from the high dose of steroids… one of my doctor’s thinks it may have been a seizer coming on and the meds stopping it. Either way they are gone now.

The Battle Goes On (but I’m not alone)

First off I my heart is with the family and friends of Patrick Swayze who passed away on Monday from pancreatic cancer. He was 57. Patrick Swayze was an inspiration to me and my battle with cancer and I only hope I can be half as strong as he was during his battle.

I want to steal a quote (with a few minor changes) from Dirty Dancing one of Swayze’s movies and dedicate to my wife Kim and my son Cole… “Now I‘m having the time of my life. No I never felt like this before. Yes I swear it's the truth and I it all to you”. Kim and Cole you are the ones who truly get me through each day. When I lay on the table getting radiation it’s the two of you I think of. It’s the two of you who get me through each second, hour, day and yes year.

What people don’t realize is just because I am the one with cancer my wife is battling it too. She is the one who makes sure I take my pills on time, go to the doctors, she is the one who asks the questions and does the research she is the one who keeps me alive and I want the world to know it. Kim thank you for being there for me… thank you for everything. I love you.

As far what’s in store for me today? Well I am getting ready to head out for another zap of radiation… six down twenty-four to go… then my chemotherapy pills double. I just hope when chemotherapy doubles I still feel as amazing as I do today.

Last night I met with my business partners for The Law TV and I want to thank them too meeting with them and talking about something other than cancer gave me a new boost of energy… thanks guys!

People keep telling me through email and facebook that I am an inspiration… what they don’t know is… they are the inspiration (at least to me). Telling me to stay strong and keep up the positive attitude is what gets me through each day.

The Fight

First off I my heart is with the family and friends of Patrick Swayze who passed away on Monday from pancreatic cancer. He was 57. Patrick Swayze was an inspiration to me and my battle with cancer and I only hope I can be half as strong as he was during his battle.

I want to steal a quote (with a few minor changes) from Dirty Dancing one of Swayze’s movies and dedicate to my wife Kim and my son Cole… “Now I‘m having the time of my life. No I never felt like this before. Yes I swear it's the truth and I it all to you”. Kim and Cole you are the ones who truly get me through each day. When I lay on the table getting radiation it’s the two of you I think of. It’s the two of you who get me through each second, hour, day and yes year.

What people don’t realize is just because I am the one with cancer my wife is battling it to. She is the one who makes sure I take my pills on time, go to the doctors, she is the one who asks the questions and does the research she is the one who keeps me alive and I want the world to know it. Kim thank you for being there for me… thank you for everything. I love you.


As far what’s in store for me today? Well I am getting ready to head out for another zap of radiation… six down twenty-four to go… then my chemotherapy pills double. I just hope when chemotherapy doubles I still feel as amazing as I do today.

People keep telling me through email and facebook that I am an inspiration… what they don’t know is… they are the inspiration (at least to me). Telling me to stay strong and keep up the positive attitude is what gets me through each day.

Me

I started Chemotherapy and radiation on Tuesday, September 8, 2009 and so far I am feeling great, really I feel pretty awesome. I would say I feel about 85% of what I use to feel like before getting the big “C”. I know it may not last but so far so good. I’m expecting to get sick - this way if I do get sick I won’t be disappointed… but wow am I feeling good. I think a big part of it is the love and support I am getting from my friends and family.

The doctors tell me that as a result of the radiation my hair may never grow back in the spat that got zapped. O well I’ll have a bald spot on the side of my head. If the worst thing I walk away with once this is all over is a scar and a bald spot I am a winner. I mean who cares? A bald spot! I usually shave my head anyways. I could always do the comb over?!?!?!Monday, September 14, 2009

I started Chemotherapy and radiation on Tuesday, September 8, 2009 and so far I am feeling great, really I feel pretty awesome. I would say I feel about 85% of what I use to feel like before getting the big “C”. I know it may not last but so far so good. I’m expecting to get sick - this way if I do get sick I won’t be disappointed… but wow am I feeling good. I think a big part of it is the love and support I am getting from my friends and family.

The doctors tell me that as a result of the radiation my hair may never grow back in the spat that got zapped. O well I’ll have a bald spot on the side of my head. If the worst thing I walk away with once this is all over is a scar and a bald spot I am a winner. I mean who cares? A bald spot! I usually shave my head anyways. I could always do the comb over?!?!?!

I have brain cancer. Words I never thought I would say. But it’s true… I have a level four glioblastoma a brain tumor.

This is a battle, but it’s a battle I am going to win. I have to dance at my son’s wedding, and as of today (9/11/09) he is only four and a half.

Being diagnosed with a brain tumor is scary that was the worst day of my life... But I’ll tell you it puts life into perspective. What once mattered means nothing now.

Let me explain.

This all started in June of 2009. I had a seizer; I had never had one before. The night of the seizer both my wife Kim and I had food poisoning from our favorite Mexican restaurant. Kim found me in the bathroom shaking and called 911 I was taken to the hospital and the doctors thought that I hit my head on the wall from being dizzy because of the food poisoning and aside from doing a MRI blew it off.

A few weeks later I had a second seizer. We knew now something was wrong. The doctors again did a MRI and found a bleed on the brain; nevertheless they blew that off too. They did though diagnose me with epilepsy. Once someone has two seizers they are automaticity diagnosed with epilepsy. I was told I could not drive for six month; I had to go six months seizer free before I could get behind the wheel. I was devastated. This to me was the end of the world. Well a few weeks go by and bam I have a third seizer. Now we know something is seriously wrong. I do not remember much about this trip to the hospital because I was put into a medically induced coma, while in the coma I got pneumonia from aspirating. Once I woke up my family was fighting to get me transferred to U of M. They felt the doctors were missing something. Well they were!

Somehow my amazing wife Kim got me an appointment with Dr. Jacques Marcos one of the top neurosurgeons in the country. We met with him on Friday, August 1, 2009 he took one look at my MRIs and said “there is no easy way to say this but you are going to have brain surgery” and he scheduled it for the following Monday August 3, 2009 and told me I had a tumor.

Surgery went great, I was released from the hospital three days after he cracked open my head and I was back to shooting video a week after surgery. I felt great like nothing was wrong aside from having a head full of stitches.

A week after having surgery I went back to Miami to se Dr. Marcos and his team to have the stiches removed and receive the results of the pathology report. My brother Craig went with me and Kim stayed to work. We were originally were under the impression that the pathology report would be good the worst we thought we would hear is that the tumor was a level three glioblastoma. Kim and both felt it was more important for to save her days off for future treatment. You have to understand Kim is my source of insurance without her working I have none. So Craig went with me we had Kim on speaker phone when Dr.Marcos told us the news that I had a glioblastoma level four and we had a battle a head of us… the three of us broke into tears and Kim felt even worse not being with us. This is where life was put into perspective for me. Not being able to drive automatically seemed petty to me… I wanted to trade the cancer back for that problem.

I was never told a survival rate but was told that a glioblastoma was not good. At first I asked “why me” and broke down several times in tears. Then while visiting one of my doctors in iMiami I met a gentleman who has been battling cancer his entire life and was in his forty’s. He had the most amazing attitude I had ever seen. He was fighting and was not going to let the cancer win. He was an inspiration and I will never forget him. It was then I realized that I had to have a positive attitude too in order to beat this… and I have had that attitude ever since. But it’s not just me. I have amazing support system, from my family, to friends, to even strangers they are one of the ways I get by. If it wasn’t for Kim I don’t know where I would be today. She is the one who got me in to see Dr.Marcos and he along with Kim I believe saved my life. Then there is my brother Craig who ended up being the best brother in the world he did whatever it took to get things done, from helping Kim get me transferred to Miami to talking to doctors when I couldn’t to doing whatever he had to make sure I was okay. He defines what a brother truly is. Then there is the rest of the family my in-laws who were there every step of the way not only for me but for Kim, My parents, My Aunt Andy, Cousin Melissa, Kim’s Aunt Barbara who was willing to fly down from NY to help… the list goes on. My friends were there. My friends even had their churches and temples praying for me… I had strangers praying for me. I can’t explain just how that felt; it makes me tear up just thinking about all the love and support I have received. Even friends on facebook are praying for me and telling me that I am an inspiration to them.

Then a couple weeks after receiving the news that I had cancer I had another seizer at sisterin-laws house and one more while at home I was taken to Boca Community Hospital. This ended up being a blessing in disguise. We ended up meeting an amazing group of doctors who ended up taking over my case. Aunt Barbara flew down to help Kim out with me.

The new doctors set me up for treatment radiation and chemotherapy pills (thermador). I started this on Tuesday, September 8, 2009.

I want to get back to the positive attitude; this I feel is the key to survival.

I pulled several quotes from some of my favorite songs to help me get by. I want to share them with you.

Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze It means no worries for the rest of your days It's our problem-free philosophy.
Disney’s Lion King

You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real.
Van Hallen’s Jump

Catch that magic moment, do it...Right here and now...It means everything.
Van Hallen’s Right now

And simply “life is good”

I was recently told “your attitude is so inspirational”