Saint Augustine

Kim, Cole and I just got back from saint Augustine we had a blast. It was nice to get away for a few days. This was our first trip since I was diagnosed with brain cancer. This was a great way to get away and end the year on a high not. This was the worst year of my life.

We stayed at a Bed and Breakfast and were there for three days. Like I have said before this is what life is all about… spending time with family, and time with Kim and Cole is the best.

We did so much we walked around the old town, went to the fort and watched them fire off a cannon, went to the oldest school… climbed 219 steps up and 219 steps down in the saint Augustine lighthouse. Took train rides around to learn about the town’s history… took a horse and buggy ride around town in the freezing weather. Saw the holiday lights. Just spent time together as a family that was the best part.

Our Bed and Breakfast is haunted and Kim actually saw the Ghost. It was just awsome!!!

To see pictures of our trip click here

http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=1b949d9ce7d29e9c&sid=9BZtmLFs3ZCg

two steps forward and three steps back

New video blog http://www.youtube.com/user/editczar#p/a/u/0/DZT4dh4Fwr4

As many of you know I had a seizure on Thanksgiving… well it happened again this past Tuesday. I had a small seizure on Tuesday. This one was not as bad as the ones I have had in the past… it all started on Sunday when I felt something coming on… we were on the way to my in-laws’ to celebrate Chanukah when I started feeling weird I took some medicine and slept it off, once I woke up I was feeling perfect and we went on with our day… then on Tuesday It started again and that is when the seizure happened… Jen my sister in law who is a doctor came over a sat through it with Kim and me. It just feels like as soon as I am on track I take two steps forward and three steps back. Even though this sucks it may not seem as bad as it seems… the chemo I started last week may be shrinking the tumor and that could be what caused the seizure and the splitting headache that came with it so this could all be good news… who knows? I am focusing on the positive and thinking that the tumor is shrinking. I need to stay positive and will stay positive no matter what happens… having a good attitude is half the battle that will keep me healthy. On another note we are joining that brain tumor support group I mentioned before last week I spoke to a man who has lived 13 years so far with his tumor more ways to give me hope as soon as I can schedule it we are going to meet and I will be able to learn from his journey. Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers I love you all and feel free to share this blog with others.

Chanukah

With tonight being the first night of Chanukah I have a chance to realize how lucky I still am. Even though I am fighting what seems to be an endless battle, it’s a fight I am still winning. I cannot wait to see Cole’s face tonight when he opens his first round of gifts… this is what life is all about watching my son grow up… it’s not about caner or any other bull shit it’s about family.

As far as me I’m doing good still a little tired but doing well. I seem to be tolerating the new chemo very well. Even though I still wake up and cannot believe I have cancer and this will b a long battle I still keep my positive attitude.

Everyone have a great Chanukah and ill update soon.

Fighting the Fight

I’m back and feeling good. I had a port put in on Monday since it was getting so hard for the nurses to find a vein. It hurt and still hurts but will get better. But other than that I am feeling good. I did try to work a little last week and it went awesome until the end of the day when I got a little sick in the back of one of my partners car’s... I think I was just pushing myself to much too soon Today I feel better than I have felt since Thanksgiving.

Yesterday I started a new type of chemo… this one is IV and I do it every few weeks along with my pills.

This is still an uphill battle but it is one we are going to win… with the thought and prayers I get daily I can only win. Please keep them coming and I will continue to fight the fight.

thanksgiving

This past Thursday I learned just what thanksgiving is all about – I had a seizer and my family was there at my side the entire time… my parents… my brother, all of my in-laws – and of course my wife Kim- I am truly thankful for all their love and support.

As far as me I am doing great recovering and am on the road to recovery. I should be starting IV chemo sometime in the next few days.

Who Said No news is Good News?

On Thursday I met with my new neurosurgeon, Kim and my brother went with me for support – I was very nervous since I had just had the MRI on Monday and my radiation Dr. wanted me to see the neurosurgeon as soon as possible… we were all expecting the worst. What we got was generally good news… as I said I was expecting much worse. There is a small 7 millimeter growth near the original tumor site - it is within the range of the first tumor. It’s in a great spot (as great as one could be with a tumor in their head)… so we have three choices.

Sugary which we will re visit in one month after trying 1 of 2 other options.

A strong one time out patient laser radiation… or a different combo of chemo drugs.

The Drs will chat together and we will be going with their recommendations.

The hard part for me was I felt like I was back at square one. I walked out of the visit very depressed and asking myself how much time do I have left? This is hard… having a Glioblastoma is a very dangerous disease… one that is full of uncertainty. This all came back up during this visit. I’m trying to keep up my good attitude… but I have to tell you it’s getting harder and harder. I know I have to survive. I still have to dance at Cole’s wedding. Please please keep praying for me. This is going to be a long battle… a battle I am going to win with your help. I just feel like I am lying to myself at times. I wake up at times not knowing if this is my last day… I know it’s not going to be my last day but I just can’t help but think that way. Do I have 40 seconds left or 40 years? I just don’t know. The survival rate of a Glioblastoma is not that good… there are ones who have beat it, and I need to be one of those… I have to be one of those… but again it’s getting harder and harder to think that way – but I know I have to.

I’m sorry to be so negative but that is just part of my battle – I am going to have good days and bad days. What I need from you is the positive thoughts and prayers… and you know what really helps is the messages you leave on my facebook and the blog keep them coming they help me keep my positive thoughts. I love you all.

Pain in the Hand

Life is still good – and I’m feeling great! Yesterday I had an MRI to see if there is any re-growth of the tumor. The MRI went great except that when the tech had to inject the contrast we ran into a problem. My veins are hard to find because of the radiation and chemo… she tried about 10-12 times to get a usable vein but couldn’t and let me tell you it hurt… being poked that many times does hurt. What we ended up doing is going to the main hospital to see if they could do it – well after only three tries she found a vein… rite in my knuckle and again it hurt like hell but worth it. I have a feeling I am going to end up with a port… now I understand why so many cancer patients have one.

Preliminary report looks good - a little swelling but good… I meet with the neurosurgeon on Thursday to find out more but I think and feel that there will be no re-growth if so very little and the chemo will take care of that. So wish me luck and keep on praying for me… it looks like its working. I will update you all on Thursday or Friday with what I find out.

Good News

Yesterday I had appointments with two of my doctors. I saw my chemo doctor and my neurologist... both of them said I am doing great and am better than most patients at this point. The chemo Dr. is going to set me up for round two of chemo and that is when the pills double… but it’s not every day – if I remember correctly it will be five days of pills then a few weeks off then five days of pills… etc. This could go on for at least six months but most likely a year or longer. He has some patients who have been on chemo for several years. Frankly I don’t care how long I am on chemo so long as I am healthy and the tumor does not grow back. Speaking of growing back I should be getting a new MRI in the next few weeks sooner than I thought. That will be the big test… we will find out everything then… if there is any regrowth... if so how big is it…? Do we need to go back in? I’m keeping positive and believe that I will have no regrowth. But still keep me in your thought and keep praying for me.

Helping out

A friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend has a 5 yr old son Noah. He is in the last stages of a 2 1/2 yr battle with Neuroblastoma Cancer. The family is celebrating Christmas next week and Noah's request is lots of Christmas cards. Let’s get him some. Please send cards to: Noah Biorkman 1141 Fountain View circle South, Lyon MI 48178 and let’s see how many cards we can’t get this little guy... please pass this on...th, Lyon,Mi 48178 and let's see how many cards we can get to this little guy. Please pass this on...

On The Radio

I just got reenergized. I am going to go to a brain tumor support group next week that I think will be very helpful. The woman I spoke with is a 20 year survivor… that’s very encouraging. I felt a boost of energy after speaking with her. This will be great talking to people who have been and are going through the same thing I am.

Other than that nothing new other than I was on the radio this past weekend talking about health care reform. How did that happen? Well I’m glad you asked. I took the family and some friends to one of my new favorite restaurants – Linda Beans Perfect Lobster Rolls. It was my third time there in less than two weeks and there was a radio station doing a live remote promoting the place. So I went on the air to say how great the place was. Not two minutes into the interview the DJ changes direction and goes from how great the lobster rolls are to Health Care reform. I was caught off guard but I think I gave a good answer. I said something has to be done but I don’t think Obama’s plan is perfect and anything run by the government will be run slowly and it will take time for patients to get approval for new medications.

And Please remember to watch my newest video blog - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2tT6s83IBo

Another Week II

This week has been good – I did a lot of sleeping. I’m still tired… the radiation takes time to get out of your system. But other than being exhausted I feel great… the best I have felt since this whole nightmare started. I don’t have a whole lot to share with you today since most of my week was spent sleeping. However I do have one good thing. I went to get my blood work done on Tuesday and the doctor said that my numbers are so good and I am doing so good that I don’t have to get blood taken every week any more… so that is great news.

Another Week

This has been a good week as I said on Monday I am finished with radiation and am off chemo for a month. So for the next month I free from all that is cancer. As of Friday I have gone two months without a seizure and that is just awesome. Four more months of being seizure free and I can drive again… I can’t wait for that. I just have to get a new car at some point before that (any suggestions?) Seriously all is good I am still tired but I feel great. I did a new video blog click this link to check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2tT6s83IBo I don’t have much more to say today so I/m going to keep this one short. Thanks again for all the support and prayers you all are the best.

A Day to Celebrate

Yesterday was a day to celebrate – it was my last day of radiation. It was a good day!!! It was fun too! When I finished the last session the nurses had a bubble machine going for me, were blowing whistles and gave me hugs and they gave a special certificate of completion… it was very nice and I can’t say enough about how great everyone at Lynn Cancer Institute is. After the radiation was finished I had a celebratory lunch with my brother and father – it was a good time. When Kim got home with Cole I had some special daddy time with Cole and we went for a bike ride… There is nothing better than spending time with Cole. Then after the bike ride we came home to a great smelling house… Kim had made me a special dinner, so the three of us had a congratulatory dinner and I could not have had a better day. Thanks you to everyone. This is now one hurdle down. I still have a combat to fight but with the continued love and support I continue to receive I will win this battle and can’t thank you all for the love, support and prayers. I love you all.

Now for the next month I am off no radiation and no chemo. Wow what will I do? I still can’t drive and that does suck… so getting around will be hard. I still have people offering to drive me wherever I need to go but you know what it is hard to ask… I don’t know why it is so hard to ask but it just is.

In one month the really hard part starts my chemo doubles. It is still the chemo pill but it may make me sick I don’t know. I hope I handle it well and can get back to doing some work but time will tell. Recently I have been feeling a little sick from the pills so I’m guessing that doubling the dose will make me a little sicker. If I am sick and stuck in bed I will need some of you to recommend some good movies to rent.

Other than all that things are still great and I still think life is good.

Deep Thoughts by Michael

I was thinking the other day… what is there to do? Where is there to go that I either haven’t done before or haven’t been to? I could think of much. I feel most cancer patients go through this thought process… let’s face it we are forced to confront our own mortality… and that is not a bad thing. It let me prioritize my priorities. As is have said before and I’ll say again family is the most important thing in the world. Without them you got nothing.

Yes there are places I would like to go to that I haven’t been to before things I haven’t done… I have yet to go deep see diving. I would like to do these things and go to these places before cancer takes over… if it ever does takes over. I would like to go to the Grand Canyon, see the country. Go to Paris, Israel, Europe… I would like to travel the world. But if I never did any of these things for whatever reasons I would still be happy as long as I had my family. Family is everything.

First off I consider myself very lucky I have been able to experience a lot of really cool things being in the business I am in. Let’s see I have met Presidents, The Governor, countless celebrities, flown in black hawks, stood in the eye of hurricanes as they made land fall, flown in stunt planes, shot video in the middle of a riot, sky dived, bungee jumped, met the rich, met the poor climbed water falls in Cost Rica I have been able to do and see a lot… life has been very exciting – so if I don’t ever do anything other than spend time with family then I am doing not just doing remarkable and great but I will be awesome. Life isn’t about where you have been or what you have done, who has the most money or toys… it is about family – family family family.

Funny Story

Well I have a funny story to tell… I at least think it’s funny. Yesterday while walking the dog I ran into a neighbor that I hadn’t seen in months – she tells me not knowing what I am going through “you look good. I like the short hair look on you.” Me being the funny person I can be and having a good attitude about what I’m going through tells her “that’s what chemo and radiation will do to you.” – You should have seen her face… her jaw dropped to the ground. The look on her face was horror and total shock… she starts telling me she is so sorry and didn’t mean anything about it. I tell her it’s okay and that I have to have a scence of humor to get through this. I still think she felt bad after. But what could I do?

On another note things are still going great – I met with my radiation Dr. this morning and he told me I am still doing great. The fun thing about radiation is each day I wait with the same people, we are kind of becoming friends – there is an unspoken bond between all of us we are all going through the same thing.

Another funny thing is since I have gotten sick I don’t like potatoes… not baked, not french fries, not potatoes chips – I only like them if they are in a soup. And I have had a craving for donuts… I want donuts 24/7 (you would think I was Homer Simpson). I also have a craving for a Taco Bell taco… You would think I was pregnant.

Nothing New

Not much to write about today – I am feeling great and things are going good for me. Including today I have five more zaps of radiation and Monday will be me last zap. My father is taking me so we plan on meeting my brother for lunch and celebrating that. But don’t think things will get easy for me after that. A few weeks after radiation is done my chemo pills double so I have no idea how that will make me feel So far with the chemo I am feeling fine a little nauseous but nothing I can’t handle so far. But I may get sicker form the new larger dose of chemo pills… I’ll just have to keep my fingers crossed that I don’t get sick from them… I would like to get some work done – and not having to go to radiation allows me to get more work done.

Like I said not much to report today – thanks again for all the love and support

Camera/Cancer

Kim and I were recently talking and wondering if there was any correlation between my professional video camera and my brain tumor/cancer. The camera sits just next to where my tumor is… when it is on my shoulder it is rite where the tumor is. Has anyone heard of any other photojournalists having a brain tumor/cancer? It’s too much of a coincidence that the brain tumor/cancer is where the cameras sits. Please let me know if you have heard of this happening to any other fellow photojournalists.

As far as me I am feeling great doing good and after a recent visit to my doctors my outlook is even better. My EEG came back great! The doctor said there was no sign of seizures and that I am doing better than average. They all seem to be surprised at how well I am doing. When your doctor is surprised at how well you’re doing you know you’re doing remarkably good. I have eight sessions of radiation left then I stay on chemo for a few weeks then I am of both radiation and chemo for a few weeks before I my chemo doubles and radiation is gone forever. When the chemo doubles its only five days a month and it is still the pills so I hope I handle it well. I still can’t drive for another five months so I will need to figure out what to do with my time. I will try to work for myself and help my partners with thelaw.tv. As long as I can get a ride to wherever I need I think I’ll be okay.

Cancer Should be A Four Letter Word

The definition of cancer is – a malignant tumor of potentially unlimited growth that expands locally by invasion and systemically by metastasis.

That is what I have cancer – wow I still can’t believe I have it. Not just cancer but brain cancer. I was living my life as normal as could be and then one day I wake up have a seizure and find out latter I have brain cancer. It is still hard to believe. What is more shocking is how prevalent cancer is. I can’t escape it. If it’s not a friend it’s a friend of a friend everyone knows somebody with cancer. Cancer is everywhere! It’s on the news it’s on my favorite TV shows it’s everywhere. Izzy on Gray’s Anatomy has brain cancer. (Although I think their portrayal of it is not realistic). Cancer is everywhere. We just can’t escape it.

I just watched GMA and saw a story about a ten year old girl who has breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy… ten years old and she has breast cancer! WHAT’ THE HELL IS GOING ON?! This is should not happen! But this young girl was and is strong… someone else for me to draw strength and inspiration from. If this young lady can go through something that most adults find impossible I can get through it too… I know I can get through and survive my brain cancer. This is what I do I find people and ways to draw my strength from. It is hard to wake up and live a normal life… if and when I am found to be cancer free I think life will be difficult to live. It’s the uncertainty that cancer is. When I am cancer free I will still wake up each day not knowing if that’s the day it could come back. How do you live life that way? I’ll just have to find out.

Cancer will be a part of my family’s life forever. I know it’s hard for Kim to watch me go through this… she may not have cancer herself but she is living with it as much as I am… in fact I think it’s harder at times for her and the rest of the family than it is for me.. if something does happen to me they are the ones left behind… they are the ones left to pick up the pieces. Cancer is a six letter word but it should really be a four letter word. Cancer… if it happened to me it can happen to you. Each day is a gift… don’t sweet the small stuff… enjoy life.

More Questions Answered

I was recently asked “Did you know, deep down, that you were seriously sick before the doctor told you? I think the human body knows more about itself than any physician or medical test. I ask this because I knew 100% that I was pregnant before any pee or blood test proved it true. Conversely, I think positive thought (which you have a million times over!!!!) can be just as healing as modern medicine (radiation, chemo).”

I had no idea I was sick – I felt normal as could be… the doctors were even surprised that I had no signs. They thought that I would have at least had a few headaches from the tumor pushing on my brain. The first sign was when I had my first seizure… this day started of normal. Cole was off from school so we had what I like to call a daddy day. I took him to Chuck E Cheese and we had a great time. After Chuck E Cheese we went home and played until Kim got home. Kim came home and the three of us went out to dinner. After dinner both Kim and I felt sick… we thought we had food poisoning… this is when my fist seizure happened. Kim found me shacking and unresponsive in the bathroom.

I do agree that positive thought is the key to recovery… that is why I do the blog – not just to educate people but for me to get whatever is going on in my head out. Positive thought is what will let me dance at Cole’s wedding.

On a different note – I think the Chemo pills are starting to take its toll on me… I’m starting to get a little sick a little nauseous. The anti-nauseous pills seem to keep it under control.

Differences Between Levels and Stages

I was recently asked the question… “In your blog you made the distinction between level 4 and stage 4. What's the difference?”

Stages of Cancer

Ø Stage 1cancers is localized to one part of the body.

Ø Stage 2 cancers are locally advanced.

Ø Stage 3 cancers are also locally advanced. Whether a cancer is designated as Stage 2 or Stage 3 can depend on the specific type of cancer; for example, in Hodgkin's Disease, Stage 2 indicates affected lymph nodes on only one side of the diaphragm, whereas Stage 3 indicates affected lymph nodes above and below the diaphragm. The specific criteria for Stages 2 and 3 therefore differ according to diagnosis

Ø Stage 4 cancers have metastasized, or spread to other organs or throughout the body. Like breast cancer moving from the breast to the lungs or even the brain.

Levels of Brain Cancer

There are many different types of malignant or cancerous brain tumors. In most cases, a brain tumor is named for the cell type of origin. The most common type of primary brain tumors are the gliomas. Gliomas arise from the glial cells which are supportive cells that surround, nourish and protect neurons. One type of glioma is an astrocytoma. Astrocytomas are graded 1 through four, depending on the degree of aggressiveness. The most aggressive astrocytoma is grade four (this is what I have), is also called a glioblastoma (GBM). Of all brain tumors, a GBM has the greatest potential for rapid growth. The good thing about brain cancer is that it does not metastasize to other parts of the body and con not become a stage four cancer.