Life

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Life…

I have come up with a new motto… Life is a contest; your only competition is yourself. You decide if you win or lose… you may be asking me… Mike what does that mean? What it means is… simply you decide your own fate, life may hand you a crappy hand of cards, but if you play hose cards rite you will win. It doesn’t matter what anyone else has, had, or will have… play your cards rite and you will win. Look at me I have freaking brain cancer… one of the most aggressive forms of it, and as far as I am concerned I am winning… I am winning in life and if I were to go today I won… I freaking won!!!!! I have an awesome son a beautiful wife, a loving and supporting family as well as friends. Life is all about attitude, I may have cancer and of course the medicine, doctors and science have helped… but it is also attitude that has gotten me through this hell… along with the prayers and support I get from family, friends and strangers from around the world. When your down and feeling like shit it’s your attitude, family and friends that pull you back up. Lying in bed and asking why me will not get you better… it will just bring you down and possibly make you sicker.

I just found out today that I inspired a friend to come out about her illness. She has muscular dystrophy, and turtleitis. I am praying for her and her family. She has been reading my blog over the last year and it inspired her to do the same. She is now writing s blog sbout her battle. How awesome is that? This just goes to show that what I have been saying is true. I got this cancer for a reason. If it’s just to inspire people to do whatever they have to do to make them self’s feel better then that’s fine. I am winning in life… and so is she.

Now one more thing… my news friends would say I buried the lead story but o’well. Las week I had a MRI and it went well. Those of you who read it on Facebook already have an idea of what happened.

The results came back good. There was no tumor regrowth. I have no tumor!!! As good as that sounds there is more to the story. The MRI did show some white spots on the front area of my brain. The doctors think it is a result of the Avastin a new medicine I have been taking to fight the regrowth of the tumor… so it has been doing its job. So for the next few weeks I am off the Avastin and the Chemo. I then get a follow up MRI in a few weeks to see if the white spots are gone or have reduced in size. I know this sounds scary but it’s not as bad as it sounds. They don’t believe it is a tumor, just a side effect from the Chemo.

So please as usual keep me in your prayers.

Fathers Day

Things have been going well. I am feeling good and slowly getting back to work. This past week I worked in Fort Lauderdale for a long time client. I shot video for a summit they produced. The hardest part was the first and last day… I had to help un-load and re-load two 18 wheelers worth of video, audio, and lighting gear. Let me tell you this is the hardest I have worked in a long time. It was grueling but it felt good working that hard… I needed that. The best part of the gig was the fact that Kim and Cole were able to come with me and stay in the hotel with me. They had a mini-vacation as I worked my ass off… I never had a chance to see them except for when I woke up and went to sleep… but as long as they had fun it was worth it.

Other than that life is good. Yesterday was Fathers day and being able to spend the day with Cole and the rest of the family was all I could ask for… it was a great Fathers day.

I do however have some bad news to report, our dog Norma Jean had to be put down last week. As hard as it was to decide to do we knew it was the correct decision. She was fifteen years old, lost her hearing, was going blind and may have had demencia. She just wasn’t a happy dog. For Kim this was especially hard… Norma was her “first” baby. When I met Kim she already had Norma, so it was a package deal for me… two for the price of one. I loved Norma. When I first got sick she would sit on my lap and lick my face trying to make me feel better… and you know what she did make me feel better. She may not have understood English but she knew something was different with me and did what she could do to make me feel better. As the year went on and I got better she just got sicker. I know Norma is looking down on the three of us and is a star in the sky… This is what we told Cole and I think it helped him... and I believe it too. It hasn’t been easy on Cole but let me tell you he is a strong kid and is getting through this better than I thought he would.

Keep thinking those positive thoughts and keep the prayers coming… I can’t tell you just how much they actually help.

Real Men May Not Eat Quiche, But They Do Cry

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A very commonly asked question I get is… where do you get your strength and positive attitude from? I simply answer the question by saying I was born with it. I don’t know how else to answer it. When I found out I had cancer… I broke down. I continue to breakdown from time to time. How can I not? I have cancer. It’s the first thing I think of in the morning. But as far as strength I just have it. Maybe I was born with it… maybe not. Maybe I forced myself to have it. Knowing that I have to be around for a long time and understand that giving up is not an option I just keep my strength and positive attitude.

This is what I have learned strength and a positive attitude may or may not be something people are born with but it is something I can teach. Strength and a positive attitude is the best way to fight. Not being able afraid to show your feelings… let them out. If you need to cry… then cry. Don’t worry about what others think. Remember and this is a motto I live by “real men may not eat quiche, but they do cry.

Behind The Wheel

Well it’s been a year since I had my first seizure. If you remember it happened just after Mother’s day of 2009. So I have been fighting for a year, although we didn’t know what was happening until August of 2009, that’s when we found out I had cancer… a level four glioblastoma (GBM). This mêlée started a year ago and I haven’t been behind the wheel of a car since, I was told I had to go six months seizure free before I could drive again… well guess what? It’s been six months since my last seizure so I took it to the roads on Sunday… can I tell you oh what it felt like. For those of you who drive daily you just forget. The only way to explain it is think back to when you were 15 and you got your learners permit... the exhilaration, the adrenaline, the excitment That’s how I feel… it’s a feeling I haven’t had since 1985. We are treating my new freedom as if I had a learners permit. I am only driving with Kim in the car and not in the dark. I want to make sure I have all my sensations back. It is like riding a bike but I want to be safe… this is not a game. Driving gives me my freedom back and the ability to get back to work.

This past weekend we went to Costco and I tried one of these message chairs they were selling. As most of you know I am a skeptic and did not expect much from it. I have to tell you it was one of the best messages I have ever had…. And coming from a chair it was the best. I have to figure out a way to get one… having a chair like this would be a huge help to my recovery.

Video Blog

This is my newest video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDtfV3nyBao

1984

This weekend was a great one... I got to spend it with family and a flash back to 1984 by going to a Bon Jovi Concert.

Saturday was a nice we just spent the day relaxing and veging out (it’s nice to have a day like that).

Then on Sunday we went to the Fifth Annual Greg Wohrle Feel The Love Fest. It was a great time nearly the entire family came out. Greg also had a brain tumor but surcame to it several years ago, but his family keeps his memory alive by having this event to raise money for brain tumors.

As I have said in the past this is something I want to get involved with, not only on a once a year bases but run, organize and be a major part of. With all the local celebrities in our local area we should be able to get some of them out to these events to bring in more people and in return more money for research. With the connections I have and your help if you know anyone who can help bring them in let me know.

Back to me… I am feeling great… Bon Jovi was awesome last night but they need to play some more old school music over their newer stuff. We had great seats; I don’t think I had ever seen Kim so happy since I got sick… It was a great time for the two of u

Michael's Poetry

So here it is nine months since this whole nightmare started… and as bad as I thought it would be, its going good, the tumor is gone for now… and let’s hope and pray that it never comes back. As bad as I thought this was going to be its not that bad… it sure as hell aint good but it isn’t bad either. I have come so far in the past nine months, I have learned a life time of lessons… and can only imagine what else there is for me to learn. Its amazing how you can be living your life happy and then wake up one day only to find out you have cancer.

Friends and family do me a favor take a good look at your life and enjoy what you have… you never know when it could all be gone. I’m not talking about materialistic things. It doesn’t matter who has the biggest house, the fanciest and fastest car or the biggest diamond on their finger. Enjoy your family... tell them every day that you love them… even if you are arguing stop for a second and say I love you. When you’re disciplining your kids and they are yelling back at you stop for a second and say I love you. You never know when it’s the last time you are going to see them… you never want the last memory someone has of you to be you yelling at them… you want it to be you saying I love you.

That’s it for my advice today but I do want to share a few things with you… lately I have been writing poetry. Yes I Michael Levine is writing poetry. You are probably thinking what does he know about poetry? Well the answer is nothing… I’m just putting my feelings down on paper and I’m calling it poetry. Take a look and let me know what you think.

This first one is for Cole.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Little boy son of mine remember the times we have

we don't know when and if it they will ever end

Little boy son of mine the times we have are worth more than you will
ever know

Little boy son of mine you'll never understand the love I have for you
untill you have a child of your own

Little boy son of mine. I love you and will always love you

Life Just Gets Better

This Last week, week and a half has been absolutely amazing. I’ll start off with the walk. Team Levine came in second place for families in raising money, as of today we have raised $5,388.00… and if you can believe it the money is still coming in… and considering my goal was just $1,000.00 WOW!!! I have to thank all of you who donated, Came out, brought friends or just prayed for me and thought of me and my family. I even had a good friend from middle school who I hadn’t seen in 8-9 years come out… seeing him was awesome… it was like those last 9 years ofnot talking never happened.

This last eight months has been hard and each month will continue to be hard but its events like this that I know I got cancer for a reason… what that reason is I don’t know yet but what I do know is it is to help people.

I had never felt more love from people than I did that day. People keep telling me I am inspiring to them. It is you that gives me that power to be inspiring. Team Levine had the most people turn out for the walk than any other team… that shows me how much I am loved and that gives me more reason to fight this disease.

After the walk Cole, Kim and I took a much needed vacation to Disney World where we had tons of fun. Cole went on Space Mountain for the first time and he loved it… he just thought that it did not go fast enough. What better way to celebrate than going to see Mickey with the family? I couldn’t be happier than I am now.

Best News Ever

I have some great news to share with everyone… After meeting with my Doctor on Wednesday and receiving the results of Monday’s MRI we heard the best news we have heard since this nightmare started. My tumor is gone!!! You read it correct… the tumor is gone. The Chemo, radiation, and Avastin are all working. They doctors were so surprised that the radiologist was sure that I had had a second surgery. I still have a fight a head of me and will be on chemo for a long time… we can’t forget that the tumor I had is one of the most aggressive around so as much as this is a time to celebrate we still have to keep in mind that the fight is not over… but I have no tumor and that is amazing at this stage of the fight.

So all your prayer and thoughts worked… you all were there when I need you and I know will still be there for me… I love you all and can’t wait for the brain cancer walk this weekend.

Times Can Get Hard but They Get better

The other day I was feeling sorry for myself and was in a bad place… having cancer is hard but after spending the day with Cole on Tuesday I am feeling much better. No matter what medications my doctors put me on the best medication in the world is just daddy time… one on one time with Cole. While spending time with Cole I realized what happened to me to put me in that bad place… as I told you Kim and I had a date night to celebrate our nine year anniversary, I think what happened is I got to appreciate what I had and got afraid to lose it. I am going to say it again as much as having cancer sucks I am very lucky. I am going to fight this fight with every fiber of my being… not to mention every fiber of your being too. You have all been with me by my side since this battle started weather you are next to me in person, in spirit, faith and mind you have been there and I feel it and that is going help me kick cancer’s ass.

I also refound my love for music… there is so much you can find in music to inspire you as long as you look, even when you don’t look or listen it is there.

Monday, March 08, 2010

Times Can Get Hard

You know I am feeling great and everything health wise is going great. There are just times like today that are hard… hard emotionally. When I think about… really think about what having cancer means it reopens my eyes to what family truly is and I appreciate them even more… I don’t want to die. I want to watch Cole grow up and have children himself. I don’t want to miss what most people in life take for granted. I think I have put the true meaning of cancer so far in the back of my mind that I’m almost living in denial. I do still have my positive attitude… I don’t want anyone to think different… it is just hard to wakeup everyday knowing that you have cancer... I am finding out that there is a fine line between denial and a positive attitude… I just need to find out where that line is.

Kim and I will be celebrating our 9 year anniversary in ten days… this past weekend we had an early celebration. We went out for dinner and my in-laws watched Cole over night so Kim and I were able to spend some quality time together. This was great and uplift to my spirits… it is just hard waking up every day with cancer not knowing what to expect.

Good news

This has been a great week… a really remarkable week. It started off with me getting a MRI on Monday and spending the day with my father.

Then on Wednesday being told that the results from the MRI looked good. The words “looked good” were some of the best words I had heard since this nightmare started. We didn’t know what to expect but just being told the MRI looked good” was awesome.

Then Wednesday was even better… Kim took the day off to go with me to the Dr to get the results… so after taking Cole to school… I got to walk him to class and I never get to do that… Kim and I had breakfast. After that we met my brother at the Dr Where we got the actual results of the MRI. We were told the swelling went down and the pea size tumor stayed the same size… the fact that the tumor stayed the same size is I think a miracle… you have to remember that what I have is an extremely aggressive tumor – for it to not grow is astounding.

Kim and I had lunch to celebrate and did a little shopping … I got the book I have been looking for. I was also talking to a friend about all the time I have during the day and they suggested I find a new hobby… so I decided to take up painting… I know nothing about painting but what the hell let’s see what I can do it will help me pass the time.

Thank you for all the prayers and love you all are an inspiration to me.

Please remember to sign up for the brain cancer walk by going to

http://events.abc2.org/site/TR/Events/General?team_id=1090&pg=team&fr_id=1040

5k Brain Cancer Walk

Met with my neurologist on Monday and good news the fact that things have stayed stable is good. The fact that I have been seizure free for some time is good and a great sign of my progress. I have had some weird eye issues lately… mostly while reading. The Dr. tested my eyes and does not think it has anything to do with the tumor… I just need new glasses. It has been a while since I have had my eyes checked so this weekend I’ll get new glasses and see what happens.

I want you all to know that there will be a 5k Brain Cancer Walk Saturday, March 27, 2010 at John Prince Park in Palm Beach County, I am in set up a team “TEAM LEVINE” we will raise money for further research so mark your calendar.

For info or to donate go to

http://events.abc2.org/site/TR/Events/General?team_id=1090&pg=team&fr_id=1040

Cancer sucks… but life is good

Today I am feeling good and am staying positive. I am however getting cabin fever. Not being able to work or even get to work is taking a toll on me. Not working and not being able to drive takes its toll on you.

I am glad that I am tolerating all the drugs and have been able to keep the seizures at bay. I just can’t wait until I can get back behind the wheel again, do some work and lead more of a productive life. It’s not the not driving part that is at times the hardest… it’s the loss of independence not the cancer itself. Yes the cancer sucks… I just wish I could drive again. I have to go six months seizure free before I can drive again… then I have to get a car. If you remember my lease was up just as I got sick so I never got a new car. I think when I can drive ill get a used car over a new car. Why spend the money on a new car when I can save some cash by getting a used one and if I do have a seizure I don’t have a new car sitting there that I can’t use.

On a funny note a good friend of mine went to a physic… I know what you’re thinking but have an open mind… I was skeptical too. The physic knew about me being sick without my friend saying a word, and she knew my illness started off violently. She knew about the seizures she knew things that my friends never mentioned. The good news is the physic said that I have a lot of longevity in me but I will be on chemo for a long time. Take what you want from this be skeptical… I don’t care. I believe now… I have to believe.

I have lost 25 pounds

I was recently asked by a friend about exposure to cell phones and the result of tumors along with other electronics I was exposed to while working in TV news this and this is what I told him.

“I have thought of it all. Everything from the cameras sitting just next to where the tumor is… to cell phones and even the live truck… the problem is – there is no solid research to support any of it. I’m joining a brain tumor support group that I hope they will have some of the most recent info and research on the subject.”

The thing is… know one really knows anything yet if there is anything to know. The only thing I can do at this point and wait… wait and see if any proof comes out.”

Again today I am feeling good enjoying the cold weather and getting ready to go for a walk. Did I tell you that since the whole nightmare started I have lost 25 pounds… not the ideal diet but I still had to get new pants and I am going to try to stay in those new pants by walking and keeping my meals smaller.

Cancer sucks… but life is good

Things are going good for me… yesterday (Wednesday) I had my Avastin which is basically chemo and I came out feeling good… not tired… no nausea… nothing. I feel so good I sometimes can’t believe and and forget I am sick. Craig (my brother) took to for my chemo so we were able to spend the day together… we had a good time, it’s nice to just spend the day with him especially when I am feeling great.

I have a good feeling about my future… my last couple of seizures weren’t as bad as the previous and they have been less intense. I will learn more about my tumor at the end of January when I have my next MRI so keep your fingers crossed and prayers coming. We want that tumor gone or at least shrunk from my last MRI.

I see what’s happening out there in the world and I realize just how lucky I am as bad as it is to have a tumor and cancer and just how uncertain my future is…I realize I am lucky… Kim and Cole are both healthy all my family is healthy... even my father who just had back surgery (he came out great and feeling good). I am a lucky man. Cancer sucks… but life is good. Remember that.

I still often ask myself “why me” and I know there is a reason… just what that reason is I have yet to figure that out.

That’s it for today I want to say thank you for reading the blog and please… please pass it along to others I want as many people to know my story as possible.

Saint Augustine

Kim, Cole and I just got back from saint Augustine we had a blast. It was nice to get away for a few days. This was our first trip since I was diagnosed with brain cancer. This was a great way to get away and end the year on a high not. This was the worst year of my life.

We stayed at a Bed and Breakfast and were there for three days. Like I have said before this is what life is all about… spending time with family, and time with Kim and Cole is the best.

We did so much we walked around the old town, went to the fort and watched them fire off a cannon, went to the oldest school… climbed 219 steps up and 219 steps down in the saint Augustine lighthouse. Took train rides around to learn about the town’s history… took a horse and buggy ride around town in the freezing weather. Saw the holiday lights. Just spent time together as a family that was the best part.

Our Bed and Breakfast is haunted and Kim actually saw the Ghost. It was just awsome!!!

To see pictures of our trip click here

http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/welcome.sfly?fid=1b949d9ce7d29e9c&sid=9BZtmLFs3ZCg

two steps forward and three steps back

New video blog http://www.youtube.com/user/editczar#p/a/u/0/DZT4dh4Fwr4

As many of you know I had a seizure on Thanksgiving… well it happened again this past Tuesday. I had a small seizure on Tuesday. This one was not as bad as the ones I have had in the past… it all started on Sunday when I felt something coming on… we were on the way to my in-laws’ to celebrate Chanukah when I started feeling weird I took some medicine and slept it off, once I woke up I was feeling perfect and we went on with our day… then on Tuesday It started again and that is when the seizure happened… Jen my sister in law who is a doctor came over a sat through it with Kim and me. It just feels like as soon as I am on track I take two steps forward and three steps back. Even though this sucks it may not seem as bad as it seems… the chemo I started last week may be shrinking the tumor and that could be what caused the seizure and the splitting headache that came with it so this could all be good news… who knows? I am focusing on the positive and thinking that the tumor is shrinking. I need to stay positive and will stay positive no matter what happens… having a good attitude is half the battle that will keep me healthy. On another note we are joining that brain tumor support group I mentioned before last week I spoke to a man who has lived 13 years so far with his tumor more ways to give me hope as soon as I can schedule it we are going to meet and I will be able to learn from his journey. Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers I love you all and feel free to share this blog with others.

Chanukah

With tonight being the first night of Chanukah I have a chance to realize how lucky I still am. Even though I am fighting what seems to be an endless battle, it’s a fight I am still winning. I cannot wait to see Cole’s face tonight when he opens his first round of gifts… this is what life is all about watching my son grow up… it’s not about caner or any other bull shit it’s about family.

As far as me I’m doing good still a little tired but doing well. I seem to be tolerating the new chemo very well. Even though I still wake up and cannot believe I have cancer and this will b a long battle I still keep my positive attitude.

Everyone have a great Chanukah and ill update soon.

Fighting the Fight

I’m back and feeling good. I had a port put in on Monday since it was getting so hard for the nurses to find a vein. It hurt and still hurts but will get better. But other than that I am feeling good. I did try to work a little last week and it went awesome until the end of the day when I got a little sick in the back of one of my partners car’s... I think I was just pushing myself to much too soon Today I feel better than I have felt since Thanksgiving.

Yesterday I started a new type of chemo… this one is IV and I do it every few weeks along with my pills.

This is still an uphill battle but it is one we are going to win… with the thought and prayers I get daily I can only win. Please keep them coming and I will continue to fight the fight.